Expectant Fathers Also Feel Pain From Pregnancy Loss
Announcement posted by The Audacious Agency 01 Sep 2014
He may not carry the baby physically but losing a child can impact a man emotionally, mentally and physically.
With Father’s Day next weekend, there are many men who will feel the pain of not having a little one in their arms.
Helen Abbott, author of Beyond Pregnancy Loss, said even though mum and dad are not in the exact same place emotionally, both will be having a hard time after losing a baby.
“With advances in prenatal care, especially with ultrasound imaging the loss of a pregnancy is even more meaningful at earlier stages for fathers as well,” she said.
“Expectant dads have dreams about what their child will look like, the games they will play together and how life will be like with a baby.”
Helen said the grieving process can be very different for men and women. “Women are more expressive and tend to look for support from others,” she said.
“But men are expected to be stoic and brave; to hold it together and be there for the mother.
“The feeling of loss is real for both parents. Men also experience fear of what will happen if his partner become pregnant again. Feelings of guilt and failure can set in, as well as depression and deep sadness.”
Helen said there is no right or wrong when it comes to dealing with this type of loss. “There is no script for how to cope with the loss of a baby during pregnancy,” she said.
“That’s part of what makes it so challenging…that and the fact that pregnancy loss often happens when we are least prepared for it.”
Helen said even more so for men. “Men generally want to be able to fix things. Losing a baby is not something they can fix,” she said.
“It is important to remember that how a person behaves is not a true indicator of his or her feelings.”
Three tips to help cope with loss
1. Don’t be hard on yourself
There is no right and wrong when it comes to grieving the loss of a pregnancy. If you cry, cry. If you get angry, be angry, just do it in a safe environment.
2. Communicate openly and honestly
To help your relationship survive this traumatic event, it is important to talk with your partner about how you feel. Be caring about each other’s feelings and to cater to our partner’s needs. You don’t have to understand – just accept.
3. Understand everyone grieves differently
How you deal with loss is not going to be the same as everyone else and that is OK.