Elizabeth Jane: How to overcome anxiety and insecurities when dating

Dating can be one of the most emotionally exposing experiences especially if you've been hurt, ghosted, betrayed or overlooked. According to author and emotional wellbeing expert Elizabeth Jane, what often holds us back in love isn't a lack of opportunity, it's a lack of emotional security within ourselves.
 

"We all carry insecurities into dating," Jane said.
 

"However the most powerful shift happens when you stop hiding them and start owning them."
 

Elizabeth Jane, who is also a celebrated artist, mental health thought leader, sought-after keynote speaker and author of the best-selling book Free and First - Unlocking Your Ultimate Life, speaks from both personal experience and years of working in the field of emotional healing and self-empowerment.
 

Jane emphasised that modern dating can often be full of performance and pretense and it's exhausting. Instead of trying to appear perfect, she encourages people to embrace their so-called flaws and see them as proud securities, signs of growth, depth and realness.
 

Insecurity thrives in silence but confidence grows in truth
 

Elizabeth Jane believes the key to confidence in dating isn't fake boldness or bravado, it's vulnerability and authenticity backed by self-respect.
 

"When you try to suppress your insecurities, your fears of being too much, not enough, too emotional, too scarred; they control you," she said.
 

"However, when you name them, own them and still choose to show up, they lose their power."
 

Whether it's body image, age, past relationship trauma or fear of abandonment, Jane said healing begins with acknowledgment.
 

Stop chasing validation and start choosing alignment
 

One of the biggest traps in dating, Jane warned, is seeking someone to make you feel worthy.
 

"You're not looking for someone to fix your insecurities, you're looking for someone who honours how you've already grown from them," she said.
 

"Date from a place of self-trust. You're not auditioning for approval, you're exploring alignment."

We attract and manifest what corresponds to our inner state
 

How you feel is what you attract. If you haven't acknowledged your feelings of pain, fear or insecurity and are still holding on to them, you'll likely draw in relationships that mirror those feelings. The work begins on the inside. Heal the wounds, celebrate your strengths and let self-love become your foundation.
 

What feels like rejection might actually be redirection
 

Jane said one of the most painful things in dating is feeling rejected for who you really are but what often feels like rejection is actually a powerful form of protection.
 

"Someone who ghosts you after a deep conversation or disappears when you're vulnerable isn't your match, they're your mirror. They show you exactly who isn't ready for the real you," she said.
 

"That's not failure, that's filtering."
 

Your past isn't baggage, it's your blueprint
 

According to Jane, lived experience is not something to hide, it's something to honour.
 

"Heartbreak doesn't make you less lovable, it makes you more emotionally fluent," she said.
 

"When you turn your pain into self-awareness, your insecurities become your proud securities. They show you've lived, grown, survived and you're still brave enough to try again."
 

The most attractive energy is grounded self-worth
 

In a world full of filtered dating profiles and emotional games, Jane believes the most magnetic energy is authenticity, not perfection.
 

"Confidence doesn't come from being flawless, it comes from being honest. From showing up fully, knowing who you are and refusing to shrink to fit into someone else's story," she said.
 

"You don't need to be more, or less. You need to be deeply, unapologetically you. That's your proud security."
 

Jane emphasised that vulnerability is an important aspect of being yourself. If you try to hide your insecurities or pretend you don't have any, you are not being authentic and your authenticity is your super power.
 

"The perfect partner isn't someone who completes you. They're someone who meets you fully, honestly and respectfully. You will only meet them when you are willing to fully meet yourself first," Jane said
 

About Elizabeth Jane
 

Elizabeth Jane is an Australian artist, author and public speaker. She uses a selection of painting media in her art, including acrylic oil and water colour. Digital and canvas versions of her art are available for purchase through her website. Jane's debut book, 'Free and First—Unlocking Your Ultimate Life', was written as part of her healing process following her divorce, which ended a 25- year marriage. Jane aims to develop wellness centres and healing sanctuaries focused on helping people to recover from relationship breakdowns and other life issues.

https://elizabethjane.com.au/