Life knocked you down? Why some people bounce back while others stay stuck
Announcement posted by Invigorate PR 14 Aug 2026
Life rarely unfolds exactly as planned, jobs are lost, relationships end, businesses fail, health changes and financial pressures mount. Dreams don't always work out the way we imagined.
While setbacks are inevitable, emotional wellbeing expert and best-selling author Elizabeth Jane believes they do not have to define our future. Instead, she explains they can become the very experiences that shape our greatest growth.
"The people who appear resilient aren't necessarily those who have experienced fewer setbacks," Jane said.
"They're the people who have learned how to recover more quickly, find meaning in adversity and keep moving forward."
She believes one of the biggest mistakes people make is believing a setback is the end of their story.
"It's simply one chapter. The problem is many people decide to stop writing the rest of the book," Jane said.
"They keep asking, 'why me' and finding ways to focus on the negative. This needs to stop. One of the fastest ways people become stuck is by continually asking why something happened. We replay conversations, revisit decisions and torture ourselves with 'what if' and 'if only'.
"Those questions keep us trapped in the past, in victim mentality, rather than helping us build the future. Instead of trying to point the finger at the person or circumstance that you believe caused the setback, people should ask themselves a far more empowering question: 'What is this experience trying to teach me? That single question changes everything."
Learn the lesson- the empowered conversation
"Every challenge, whether it's relationship, finance or health based carries a life lesson," Jane said.
"Maybe it's about no longer sidelining your needs, speaking up and setting boundaries with a loved one? Or perhaps it's as simple as letting go of grudges that deplete your energy and drag your past into your future.
"An empowered conversation is often the crucial first step to opening the door to a brighter future."
Your setback is not your identity
Jane believes too many people allow one difficult experience to define who they are.
"A failed business doesn't make you a failure, a divorce doesn't make you unlovable and losing your job doesn't make you worthless," Jane said.
She said separating identity from circumstance is one of the most powerful mindset shifts anyone can make. What happened to you is not who you are. Feel it, then free it."
Jane said resilience does not come from pretending everything is fine.
"It comes from allowing yourself to process disappointment, sadness, frustration and grief without unpacking and living there forever," Jane said.
She encourages people to acknowledge their emotions honestly.
"You cannot heal emotions you refuse to feel. But equally, you cannot allow those emotions to become your permanent home," Jane added.
Be kind to yourself and choose to be present
Jane said it is important to be grateful and acknowledge what is good in our life.
"Consider pausing during your day to acknowledge how you truly feel. Make sure you haven't slipped into negative thinking of past events or fearing or fatalising over the future," she said.
"The 'shame blame game' just makes you feel worse, draining your energy. Instead choose to focus fully on an activity that brings you joy for 10 minutes or more and this will give you a much-needed lift."
Be careful who you listen to
During difficult times, Jane said many people unintentionally surround themselves with negativity.
"When you're vulnerable, every opinion feels louder. Some people project their own fears onto your situation without realising it. Spend more time with those who encourage growth rather than fear," Jane said.
"Choose people who remind you what's possible, not people who reinforce what's impossible. Stay away from negative influences as this only keeps you focused on dark thoughts and feelings. Connect and socialise with people who are uplifting and positive. Their energy will elevate your thinking."
Stop comparing your timeline
Jane believes comparison is one of the biggest killers of confidence after setbacks.
"Someone else will always appear to recover faster, achieve more quickly or rebuild sooner, but every journey is different," Jane said.
"Healing and rebuilding should never become a race. The only comparison that matters is whether you're stronger today than you were yesterday."
Small wins rebuild confidence
Rather than trying to solve everything at once, Jane recommends focusing on small daily victories.
"Confidence isn't rebuilt through giant leaps, it is rebuilt through small promises you make to yourself and keep," Jane said.
"Whether it's exercising, making a phone call, updating a résumé, applying for a job or simply getting out of bed on a difficult day, every positive action matters. Momentum creates hope."
Stop giving your power away
Jane said many people allow setbacks to steal far more than they should.
"They lose confidence, identity, optimism and belief in themselves. They start believing someone else's rejection determines their value," Jane said.
Jane believes reclaiming personal power begins with accepting that while we cannot always control what happens to us, we always control how we respond.
"Your circumstances may have changed, but your ability to choose your next step never disappears," Jane said.
Gratitude changes perspective
Jane said gratitude is often misunderstood during difficult times.
"People think gratitude means pretending everything is wonderful and it doesn't," Jane said.
"It simply means recognising that even during life's hardest seasons, there are still things worth appreciating. Gratitude helps shift the brain from survival mode into possibility. It creates emotional space for hope to return."
Reinvent rather than recover
One of Jane's most powerful messages is that people should stop trying to return to who they were before their setback.
"Life changes us and sometimes that's exactly what's needed. Rather than focusing on recovery alone, people need to think about reinvention. Don't ask how you get your old life back, ask how you create a life that's even better," Jane said.
The most resilient people think differently
Jane believes resilience is less about strength and more about perspective.
"Resilient people don't avoid setbacks, they simply refuse to let setbacks become permanent and see them as an opportunity for personal growth," Jane said.
"Every challenge contains the seeds of growth. The people who thrive aren't those who never fall. They're the people who keep getting back up.
"For anyone facing disappointment, always remember that this chapter may be painful, but it is not permanent. You are far more capable, resilient and resourceful than you realise.
"Every setback carries the possibility of a comeback. The moment you stop asking, 'Why did this happen to me?' and start asking, 'Where can I go from here?' is the moment your future begins again."
About Elizabeth Jane
Elizabeth Jane is a best-selling author, sought-after keynote speaker, artist and respected thought leader whose work has inspired thousands of people to live with greater clarity, confidence and emotional freedom. Her highly popular book, Free and First - Unlocking Your Ultimate Life has helped many people across the globe to navigate and move forward from divorce and other life challenges to find joy and happiness. Based in Sydney, she is a devoted mother to four adult children and a powerful advocate for wellbeing, resilience and authentic living.
A Commerce graduate who later completed a Diploma in Education, Elizabeth has built a multifaceted career as a mentor, spokeswoman and creative force. Her insights have shaped conversations across mental health, relationships and personal transformation, earning her a reputation as one of Australia's most compelling voices in the self-development space.
Beyond her writing and speaking engagements, Elizabeth is a passionate practitioner of yoga and meditation and an accomplished painter. Her artwork and storytelling share a unifying mission: to empower people with practical tools to cultivate purpose, emotional strength, vibrant health and enduring joy.
Whether through her books, commentary and insights, her art or her presence on stage, Elizabeth continues to encourage audiences to live deeply, love fully and embrace the most authentic version of themselves.