Your partner cheated. Should you leave or swipe right? Expert says think again

With divorce easier than ever and a new partner seemingly one swipe away, respected Sydney relationship and trauma expert Azita Abdollahian warned too many couples are walking away from relationships that could survive and even become stronger.
 

Discovering a partner's affair has always been devastating. But in 2026, the next step can feel frighteningly simple: Australia has had no-fault divorce since 1975, and a new partner can seem only a swipe away.
 

Abdollahian, founder of The Project Of You, said that ease of exit is leading some couples to end relationships in the first raw weeks after a betrayal, before they have had any real chance to understand what happened or whether the relationship can recover.
 

"An affair is one of the most painful things a person can go through. It can feel like the floor has been ripped out from under you," Abdollahian said.
 

"However, the moment of discovery is the worst possible time to make a final decision. In my experience, many couples can survive infidelity, and some come out the other side with a more honest relationship than they had before."
 

The swipe-era temptation
 

Abdollahian said dating apps have changed how people imagine life after a relationship ends.
 

"When you're hurting, scrolling through profiles can make it look like there's an endless supply of better options waiting. It feeds the fantasy that you can simply start again with someone new and leave all the pain behind," she said.
 

"The reality is that you take yourself, your history and your patterns into the next relationship. If you never understand what went wrong, there's a good chance you'll meet it again."
 

She said technology has also changed the nature of infidelity itself, with secret messaging, social media connections and online relationships blurring the line of what counts as cheating.
 

"Many of the affairs I see now start on a phone. It might be late-night messages or a connection on social media that slowly becomes emotional and then physical. Couples often don't agree on where the line was, and part of the work is getting honest about that."

What it takes to survive an affair
 

Abdollahian said recovery is possible, but it rarely happens by simply moving on or never speaking about it again.
 

She said the couples most likely to rebuild usually share several things: the affair has ended completely, the partner who strayed takes full responsibility without blaming or minimising and both people are willing to look honestly at what was happening in the relationship beforehand.
 

"Understanding why an affair happened is not the same as excusing it. The person who had the affair has to own their choice. However, if a couple wants a future, they also need to understand the loneliness, disconnection or unmet needs that may have been sitting underneath," she said.
 

She said the betrayed partner's reaction often resembles a trauma response, with sleeplessness, obsessive questioning and sudden waves of anger or grief.
 

"The hurt partner isn't being dramatic when they ask the same questions for the hundredth time. Their nervous system is trying to make sense of a threat. Rebuilding trust means the other person needs to stay patient, be transparent and keep showing up, especially on the hard days," Abdollahian said.
 

Abdollahian works with couples on infidelity in weekly sessions and in private residential intensives at Carnelian House in Kurrajong Hills, where a couple can spend four or five days focusing solely on their relationship.
 

"After an affair, couples are often stuck in the same painful loop at home. Taking them away from the kids, the phones and the scene of the betrayal can give them the space to finally have the conversation they've been circling for months," Abdollahian said.
 

When walking away is the right answer
 

Abdollahian is clear that not every relationship should be saved. Repeated, unrepentant infidelity, an unwillingness to end the affair, or a partner who refuses to take responsibility can all be signs it is time to go.
 

Where there is family violence or coercive control, she said, safety must come first and couples therapy is not the right starting point.
 

"I spent 23 years in a marriage marked by domestic violence and coercive control before I found the courage to leave, so I would never tell anyone to stay at any cost," she said.
 

"Staying is only worth it if both people can be safe, honest and respected."
 

Importantly, for couples who still share love, history and a willingness to do the work, she urged them not to let the ease of leaving make the decision for them.
 

"Divorce is easy to start and the apps make it look like there's always someone better around the corner. What's hard, and what's often far more rewarding, is understanding what really happened and choosing each other again with your eyes open," Abdollahian said.
 

"An affair can be the end of a relationship however, it can also be the moment a couple finally tells the truth."

About Azita Abdollahian and The Project Of You
 

Azita Abdollahian is a respected Sydney-based relationship and trauma expert, clinical social worker, psychotherapist and author, and the founder of The Project Of You. She holds a Master of Social Work and a psychology degree, has undertaken Gottman Method training in couples therapy and is a NeurOptimal neurofeedback provider. Born in Persia, Azita entered an arranged marriage at 17, survived 23 years of domestic violence and coercive control, and rebuilt her life in Australia, learning English and returning to university as an adult. She is the author of Breaking Free and a recipient of community honours including 2019 Women of the West (Business) through Western Sydney University and a 2023 Rotary District 9685 Inspirational Leader Award.
 

The Project Of You provides individual therapy, couples counselling, private residential relationship intensives, solo intensive therapy, couples and women's retreats, workshops and integration support. Azita works from the St James Trust Building in Sydney's CBD, online with clients across Australia and internationally, and at Carnelian House in Kurrajong Hills in the Hawkesbury. Learn more: theprojectofyou.com.