To Tinder or not to Tinder, that is the question…

Online dating sites can be rife with unwritten rules, sleazy folks and loads of uncertainty…but newly single Currumbin-based Patty Kapua found it was more of an adventure of online romanticism and courtship.

Patty said when she started out in the dating game she had no idea of what to expect. “Or any idea of what I was getting myself into,” she said.

“I’ve had a conservative love life with only two long term relationships, spanning over 25 years. One of my long term partners was a family friend and the other I meet at a nightclub.

“I am a family girl with four gorgeous sons who'd never experienced dating in any form as a singleton. Well, here's where the learning curve began.”

Patty, managing director of Inner Spark Systems, now works with couples and singles as a dating and relationship mentor.  She runs weekly dating classes to help those navigate the dating scene.

Before checking out online dating sites, Patty thought the world of online dating was only for the desperate, lonely people who lacked somewhat in the art of communication.

“My first relationship was a family friend and my second I meet at a pub, so my concept of the dating scene was out of date,” she said.

“I envisaged those with online dating profiles to hiding behind a keyboard, too unsure of themselves and their own ability to connect with real people, but desperate to find the love of their life,” Patty said.

“Since researching this topic (both in theory and in practice) I realise I was not alone in my own uneducated judgment.

“There are plenty of others who have had a similar belief prior to entering the world of online love seeking.

“We are all a little curious. Most of us just want a little fun and connection in our lives and online dating often presents a safe and exhilarating option to seeing what or rather who is out there.”

With her own crudebelief systems exposed, Patty set out to get to know the world on online dating primarily through Tinder. 

“For those who want to do more than ‘hook up’, the key is you and how you portray yourself,” Patty said.

“It is all about the profile and so many people get it wrong. If you want to get the most out of this whole dating experience, you need to forget the fake and the bravado that you could present to protect yourself. Just be you.”

ENDS

Social Seasons - Patty is hosting an evening on August 30 for an elegant red carpet evening for couples and singles at the QT where she will be speaking about sex and relationships. www.facebook.com/events/313177225526203/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

8 Crucial Tips to consider before venturing onto online dating sites:

1.    Ask yourself, are you ready for this? How much emotional baggage have you checked in to take with you on this journey? Carry-on luggage OR oversized luggage?

2.    How long has it been since you’ve been consciously uncoupled? Do you have a perception of how soon is too soon to find new encounters or romance? Only you can answer this question but it's a must ask.

3.    Have you severed all ties from you ex? If you persistently bring his or her name up when conversing with others, there's a good chance you haven't let them go yet. If you've let him go, it may be time to see what Tinder has to offer. If you're still hanging on to the past, perhaps you should not jump in just yet?

4.    Be honest with yourself! What is your intention on Tinder? What is it that you want in a relationship and/or with your sexual partner? Do you just want sex or are you looking for a relationship? Allow yourself to be honest and upfront and be proud - say it out loud! The funny thing is, we often hear the line "I'm just looking for a bit of fun, or casual sex." That's fine, but it pays to remember that once you become involved, feelings and energies are exchanged, which can often lead to more complex relationships.

5.    If you do Tinder, allow yourself to feel and to experience. Yes you can keep your true feelings locked away and choose to be detached; however - in turn your sex life will be mechanical; missing the key ingredients of love and connection which are basic human needs. Like many others, this was a huge lesson for me and presented an aha moment in relation to what kind of man I was attracting.

6.    Be Present! Being present means much more than that. Being present in the online dating world is about connecting to your heart and mind, being comfortable about what you really want in a relationship and consciously being aware of how and what you seek. You also need analyse how and what you communicate while participating in online dating. When you are scrolling concentrate on what you are doing; we often engage with social media halfheartedly. Doing so on dating sites could land you in a little hot water.

7.    Treat Online Dating as a Judgment Free Zone! Be especially careful not to judge simply on image/photo or profile. You never know who may be hiding and who may rock your world with just a little conversation.

8.    Be Open Minded and Curious. You are online to meet new people and to be able to master the art of human connection through conversation. It’s not rocket science however we as mere human beings often make it more difficult than it needs to be!

Creating Your Tinder Profile

·         You’ll require a Facebook profile and some decent (recent) Facebook photos to upload

·         Download the free Tinder app

·         To get started, Tinder will ask you to logon using Facebook. Be mindful Tinder does not announce to all your Facebook fans and friends that you have joined Tinder. It simply uses Facebook to gather all the relevant information (First name only, photos, your age, mutual friends and your page likes) in order to work out what you may have in common with your potential suitors

·         Enter the kilometers distance you are prepared to travel, and whether you are interested in men or women.

·         Now to start seeking or shopping for your perfect match. If you like the look of someone and they light your fire - swipe right. If you'd prefer not to connect with someone, simply swipe them away to the left.